Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
