I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
