No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
