If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
