I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
