Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
