Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
