I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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