I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
