My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
