he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize