dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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