I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
