I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
