I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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