Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
