I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize