Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
