I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
