I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
