dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize