I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
