I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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