My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
