Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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