I bet he comes in French.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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