I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
