i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
