It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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