i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
