that's an acceptable place to lick
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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