Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
