I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
