She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
