Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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