No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
