he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
