I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
