I cockslap morals
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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