Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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