I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
