can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
