Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
