Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
