I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I want to fling myself into the sun
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