I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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