Screwed.edu
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
