Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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