I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
