DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
