Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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