Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
