Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
