Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
