guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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