if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
