If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
