when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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