I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
