forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
