Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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