Just cropdusted the office
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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