i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my poor anus
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize