Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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