I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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