i permit you to call me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
