Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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