Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
