oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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