you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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