ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize