is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
