My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
