I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
