So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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