honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
