i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize