i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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