I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
