look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
