mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
