Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
