oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
