I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize