is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
