I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
