Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize