I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
