Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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