my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
