I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
