He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
