You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
