weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
