I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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