cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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