...so i touched it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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