i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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