A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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