I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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