I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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