It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
