Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
