apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
