I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize