I'm drive I can fine osifer
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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