I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
we should paint friendship bongs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
