Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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