so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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