I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
