I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
