Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
