She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
