she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
